I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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