you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
