So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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