you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
