mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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