did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
