rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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