Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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