I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
