I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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