so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
