he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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