so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
