great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
