Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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