so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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