I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize