when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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