just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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