First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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