bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
