I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
