Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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