I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
His nipple licking is glorious
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