i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The air was thick with penises
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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