every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
