i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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