I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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