I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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