the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
