he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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