It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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