hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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