i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
