One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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