So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
