I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
