I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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