I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
