It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize