When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
