I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
