There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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