First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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