i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
