Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
