I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
