..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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