we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who died my cat blue again?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
