In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
