I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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