the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We left the knife in your bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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