Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
