WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
