you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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