if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
