i jhust puked up my retainher.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
