I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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