Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
