if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This baby is an asshole
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
