You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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