We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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