my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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