guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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