Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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