I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I could make wine with my vomit
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
