dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
