If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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