:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
