1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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