Pants 0. Shit 1.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
