enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
