well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
