Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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